After Final Mains

Now that the UPSC phase is over, here is a personal post. Just finished the last Mains, and sixth one at that. Its been almost 7 plus years at UPSC. Six attempts, six mains, two interviews. Result of the final attempt is still awaited.

God only knows what lies in the store of future and while the result is expected in a couple of months, I can’t stop thinking that the last few years were rewarding as well as full of self inflicted unnecessary pain. Too many things in life fell wayside due to mental occupation and obsession with UPSC. And far too many things and people I engaged with which wouldn’t have been possible otherwise. This post, however, is not for such self-reflection. Wo sab fir kabhi.

Now the plan is to get on with life. Have a few ideas in mind. Some undeveloped concepts for books, some musical instrument to learn, some ideas for content driven production, to take care of health, and enjoy habitual social networking. And most importantly, do things because I like them doing and not because they might or might not help in Mains/Interview.

I had earlier thought that life would feel empty at this stage and as the matter of obsession for years disappears, some kind of vacuum would be there inside. Nothing of that sort. Its filled with all the more drama still. There is no end to this khel of aurang-e-sulaimaan. Shab-o-roz tamaashaa ho hi raha hai….

दिल मिले या न मिले…

PM IK Gujral used to say about India-Pakistan – दिल मिले या न मिले हाथ मिलाते रहिये. I don’t know how far it can take us. But the sher is a good one, taken from the following nazm written by Nida Fazli. He passed away last year.

बात कम कीजिए, ज़हानत को छुपाते रहिये
अजनबी शहर है यह, दोस्त बनाते रहिये

दुश्मनी लाख सही, ख़त्म न कीजिए रिश्ता
दिल मिले या न मिले हाथ मिलाते रहिये

ये तो चेहरे का फ़क़त अक्स है तस्वीर नहीं
इस पे कुछ रंग अभी और चढाते रहिये

गम है आवारा अकेले मैं भटक जाता है
जिस जगह रहिये वहां मिलते मिलाते रहिये

जाने कब चाँद बिखर जाए घने जंगल मैं
अपने घर के दर-ओ-दीवार सजाते रहिये

— निदा फ़ाज़ली —